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  1. This just in: Women care (a lot) about manhair.

    It's true.

    This post was inspired in part by a gchat conversation I had not long ago, and mostly by a lunch conversation I had recently with some female coworkers (who are older than me by at least 15 years) in which all of them agreed that body hair on men was attractive. One said "Gotta have chest hair!" and another replied "I don't care where it is, as long as they HAVE some." I made a 'gross' face. "Not a fan of the optical inch, huh?" I asked, which got me a table full of blank looks (which is probably for the best). We might have disagreed on what we liked, but one thing was obvious: no matter what their individual preference, women are passionate about various types of manhair.

    Here's my two cents:

    1. BODY HAIR: Not attractive in degrees that worsen with severity. A little is okay; but if I wanted a chia pet, I'd buy one. And I don't own a chia pet.

    2. FACIAL HAIR: Hot with a capital H. The exception to this is selective grooming, such as mutton chops or mustache-only (just say no, guys). Goatees, on the other hand, can sometimes be okay, IF done properly. But for maximum hotness, nothing beats a short, scruffy all-over beard. (Any beards longer than an inch or so skip over "hot" and go straight to "curious.")

    3. HAIRCUTS: Anything longer than shoulder length on a guy is a big "no." BUT, there's also few things worse than a very short haircut. If a girl can't run her fingers through it and actually have something to hold on to, it's too short.
    HOT: If you look like you haven't seen the inside of a barber shop in at least a month (two is better), or if your hair looks like you've been running your fingers through it all day, or looks like you just got out of bed. Disheveled, in other words.
    NOT: Any type of very organized, neat, combed 'do. Anything that appears "slick" or permanently wet from excess styling product. Excessively short or excessively long hair.

    (Here ya go, Erik - though it's pretty short.)

    DYE JOBS: I have only one rule, but it's a serious one: Roots are BAD, mkay. Like, dealbreaker-bad. The two worst types are the bleach blond with dark roots, and the colored hair atop an inch of gray/silver/white roots. Shudder.
    Colors (green, blue, pink, whatever) are okay, as long as (you guessed it) there are no roots.

    I think it also goes without saying that Hobbit Feet are out.

    For my next installment of "Useless information no one gives a rat's ass about," I'm going to see how the coworkers feel about jewelry on men, another topic that I'm likely to be the lone dissenter on.

    Read and add comments to this entry! 8 Comments | Sunday December 9th 2007 at 10:46am from Jenny +
    1. erat Monday December 10th 2007 at 8:06pm

      You should also bring up hair color on men, everything from the full-on dye job to the pinch-here-and-there bleaching.

      Just curious.

    2. jenny Tuesday December 11th 2007 at 3:51pm

      Okay, fine. But not tonight... I have an imperial assload of tiramisu to make. :)

    3. Chris James Wednesday December 12th 2007 at 8:50am

      What weighs more, an imperial assload or a metric fuckton?

    4. erat Wednesday December 12th 2007 at 12:30pm

      That depends on whether you're using ricotta or marscapone cheese.

    5. The Reverend Elvis D. Wednesday December 12th 2007 at 3:09pm

      This is a big issue in my marriage.

      For years, I've grown full beards and goatees, and fu manchu mustaches then shaved them off then grew them again based on however I felt at the time.

      Now I am eternally damned to wear facial hair because when my spouse is done nagging me about how I look twelve years old without a beard, she sticks the grandkids on me until I have no choice but to cave.

    6. jenny Wednesday December 12th 2007 at 5:21pm

      CJ: I'm waiting for conclusive studies from the Robert C. Byrd Institute of Measurementology. I'll let you know when I hear, k?

      Erik: Damn you for making me laugh amidst my silent jihad. lol

      Elvis: Those are some underhanded tactics, man. However, if you are old enough to have grandkids for her to stick on you, there's just no way you can look twelve without a beard (twenty, maybe). And this is coming from someone who actually DOES look twelve without a beard (I get carded for everything, all the time).

    7. Jackie Sunday December 16th 2007 at 5:20am

      This is awesome!!!

      As a recent inductee into the "Beardosphere", I gotta say I can't imagine not having one now. Too bad about that "one inch" rule though, cause I'm going full-on for the Taliban style!

      Oh yeah, and you're right the ladies love the beard. By ladies I mean my wife and the thug who told me I look like "that Jewish rapper"... :)

    8. jenny Monday December 17th 2007 at 4:59pm

      Did I say that? I actually meant long beards are great! Please don't terrorist-attack me. I have so much left to give.

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