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Things I Regret Not Getting Pictures Of: A List
1. The St. Louis arch. Oh my god, so beautiful. If you've never driven west through St. Louis on I-70 at about 2 AM, you are missing out. Go do it. Right now. I SAID RIGHT NOW.
2. The large, lit-up "Y" on the hillside in Provo (I guess it was Provo, but I could be wrong... all those towns run into each other and I get confused) that, when viewed from a side angle, appears to be a ginormous lighted cock 'n' balls. I want to take this opportunity to point out that I am not making this up. Hopefully, Joe will come through with a photo and I can show you sometime.
3. The christian billboard in Kansas on I-70 immediately next to an adult bookstore that proclaims "Porn Destroys Families." I need to find out how much it would cost to rent one of those so I can put right below it "I'm pretty sure it CREATES families, actually." (Kansas and I are, btw, mortal enemies. Just FYI.)
4. The world's largest prairie dog (although I have a feeling this might have been overzealous advertising and a letdown IRL).
5. The Burger King employee in Utah who was wearing only one shoe. Specifically, his feet.
6. The Olympic water fountain in Salt Lake City.
7. The lady at Mesa Arch who, upon realizing I was going to climb up on the arch for a photo (which was over, like, a huge canyon), informed me that "it looks pretty dangerous!" in her funny Utah accent. (You think?)
8. The six pack I bought that (I found out after purchasing it) contained ONLY 3.2% ALCOHOL. Damn you, Utah. *shakes fist
9. The staff of a McDonald's somewhere in Indiana where all of the employees sported spray-on tans and the same ridiculous highlighted, flippy-ponytail hairstyle. Perhaps it was part of the uniform?
10. The dude who propositioned poor Joe (not for sex, luckily) at a rest stop in Missouri in the middle of the night.
(Hey Joe - feel free to add to the list if I've forgotten anything. Kthx.)
6 Comments |
Friday May 2nd at 4:00am from Jenny +
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The St. Louis Arch is pretty impressive, but I highly recommend not driving under it at 5:30 PM during rush hour- especially when your definition of heavy traffic is five cars coming south on State Route 2 from Friendly, West Virginia.
Crap, I didn't warn you about the 3.2% alcohol beer, did I? Real beer comes from liquor stores in Utah and is roughly twice as expensive as it is anywhere outside of Utah (paying $14 for a six pack isn't unusual). Spring Break beer is sold everywhere else.
What a joke. I tell people living in Utah is like living in high school and they think I'm nuts. You have to experience it for yourself, I guess.
Tangentially, Utah has quite a thriving home-brewing scene. It's a class B misdemeanor to brew your own beer there but beer making supplies are in abundance anyway. Very strange. I tried and failed a number of times to brew my own beer in Utah. All of my equipment followed me to Portland--the home-brewing mecca--so I'm sure I'll give it another shot soon.
My family lived in Kansas City, KS for 2 and a half miserable years. I was at least able to see the arch a great number of times while living in that hellhole.
Elvis - I believe you. I think a lot of the impressiveness would have been ruined by daylight and traffic. :)
Eric - You should've warned me! lol It was quite a shock, having just bought three six packs and realizing that I'd have to pretty much drink them all in order to obtain a proper buzz. I tried two Smirnoff Ices (it's the only thing I drink; apparently I was a gay man in a former life) before I got disgusted and just gave up. No wonder there's a thriving homebrew scene. And don't get me started on the Nothing-Open-On-Sunday part, either!
ETW - I'm so sorry to hear that. I *hated* Kansas - and I just drove through! I could never live there. WV totally pwns Kansas, by a long shot. :D
Just FYI, you did miss one thing: The antler fence in Price, Utah. That was creepy shit.
That WAS creepy shit. Next time you're down that way... since you have a camera now and all... it would make a great subject for your class. :D