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  1. Polysomnogram photoblogging

    STEP 1: Sit in chair while lab technician makes a crapload of marks all over your head with a red china marker.

    STEP 2: Continue to sit in chair while lab technician attaches a crapload of sensors at various points on your head, face, chest, and legs. (This actually takes quite a while, as each spot where the sensors have to be placed has to be first cleaned and then have EEG paste applied to help it stay in place.) Oh, and if that wasn't enough, a breathing sensor goes in your nose, too.

    I won't lie, it was a little bit uncomfortable at first. If I had to compare it to something, I'd say it was quite like what I'd expect having an octopus stuck to your face would feel like, actually - the difference being that the octopus would be less likely to leave your hair looking like a facial gone wrong (I'll get to that later).

    STEP 3: All those wires have to hook up to something, right? Up until this point, I had no idea how many wires were actually on me. The box came with a shoulder strap so that you could carry all that shit around - and even then, it was difficult. I tripped over them twice until I gave up and got in bed where I wouldn't disturb them.

    The good news: I can connect your call for the low, low rate of just five cents a minute! One moment, please.

    STEP 4: Conduct short test with lab technician to make sure all of the sensors are properly functioning and recording data. (I recorded this, but youtube is balking at it for some reason.)

    STEP 5: Sleep. The lab tech said that most people have trouble getting to sleep, and it's no wonder - in a hospital bed, with sensors stuck all over, and a shoulder-pack of wires, with people making all sorts of noise down the hall... most people would have trouble drifting off under those conditions. Me? I was out in under 12 minutes and well into my REM sleep shortly after that.

    STEP 6: Get woken up at 5:30 (which I'm still bitter about), sit on bed in half-awake zombie state while all of the sensors are removed. Stumble into bathroom and notice that the EEG paste used to secure the sensors is still very much secure... IN MY HAIR. Lovely.

    I tried to get it out. I tried everything I had available to me (water, brush, fingers), but it was having absolutely none of that. Eventually, tired and hungry, I gave up and went down to the cafeteria for breakfast. I figured, what the hell, I'll wash it out when I get home. It wasn't until I had to stop at the Sheetz in Weston on my way home that I realized perhaps a hat would have been a good thing to have handy. In case you were wondering, walking around in public with EEG paste in your hair will, in fact, get you some pretty ...interesting... looks.

    Read and add comments to this entry! 6 Comments | Saturday April 19th at 4:46pm from Jenny +
    1. Joe Saturday April 19th at 5:32pm

      You sure it was EEG paste?

    2. jenny Saturday April 19th at 5:51pm

      Pretty sure, for the following reasons:

      1) I watched my (female) lab tech scoop it out of a jar labeled "EEG Paste" (like, an official label, not handwritten with a sharpie).
      2) Anything else would have WASHED OUT OF MY DAMN HAIR with water.

      Either way, it's a pretty big fail, if you ask me.

    3. Chris James Saturday April 19th at 8:02pm

      I used to see the same general look in the Twin Towers cafeteria every Saturday morning back in my days at Marshall ('cept your clothes appear not to be on inside-out).

    4. jenny Sunday April 20th at 5:19am

      Hahahahahahahahaha! Yeah, I bet you did. lol

    5. Allclick Tuesday April 29th at 5:08pm

      So does this mean you are now an android? Or perhaps a replicant?

    6. jenny Sunday May 18th at 5:59pm

      I sure hope so. :)

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