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  1. Everyone writes quasi-emo posts around the holidays... even me.

    I vaguely recall my 2006 Thanksgiving post. I think I was grateful for family... and pies. And while I'm still very grateful for both of those things, I also have another thing to add to my list this year. This story is kinda long and somewhat convoluted, and probably even a little boring - but my "Thankful-Fors" wouldn't mean anything without it, so...

    It started this summer. I had been noticing that sitting at a desk all day was actually starting to become somewhat painful. At the end of the day I started noticing that I was more and more sore each day. I assumed it was due to the crappy chair I'd inherited from the lady who had the office before me. I was just ignoring it mostly, until my boss insisted that I get a new chair. After trying out a couple different office chairs with no improvement whatsoever, it occurred to me that the problem may not be with my furniture. Thinking that I should probably rule that out before they spent money on a new chair for me, I scheduled a doctor's appointment the next week. Not really because I really thought anything was wrong, but, you know, just to check things out.

    I'd also been feeling pretty tired lately, but I've never been a bouncy, energetic person, so that really didn't seem like much of a problem either... until one night a few days before my doctor's appointment. I went outside with the intention of checking out my garden, which isn't very far. Halfway there, I had to stop. I was exhausted. I didn't even feel like I could stand up. I sat down, and noticed that I still felt like I was about to collapse, and that I was also breathing somewhat hard. That was when I realized that Something Was Definitely Up, but whatever it was, I figured my doc would straighten it out.

    A few days later I went in to see her. I didn't have the first clue what this was all about, so the questions she was asking me seemed fairly random. Then she started pushing her fingers into different spots on my body and asking if it hurt. "What on earth," I thought to myself, "is she - OW!" "Whatever you just did, really hurts." A whole bunch of painful spots later, she had me sit back down.

    "The good news is that this is usually treatable," she said. Still somewhat confused, I asked "WHAT is treatable?" I was just sitting at there with the confused look still on my face while she explained that I had a chronic pain disorder (a what?!) and as she started to explain that although there really was no cure, exactly, there were some things she wanted me to try to see if they helped. Somewhere between exercise and SSRIs, I remember suddenly realizing that this was not temporary... and that I was only 25 years old. I think I made it as far as the front doors before I kinda lost it.

    It was early afternoon, and I already had an appointment for an inspection and oil change, so I dropped off my car and went back to work for the afternoon (the auto shop insisted that I drive their company pickup around until my car was ready, which was pretty cool). I got a lot of work accomplished that afternoon. By the time I'd had dinner with some coworkers, seen 1408, and hung out with my little brother for his 18th birthday, I was much more together.

    I went home and read all the information I could find. It was tough at first, especially when most of what I was reading what somewhat depressing. It seemed the medical community could not agree what causes this or how to treat it. It seemed like all I ever heard was "You just need to accept that there are things you just can't do anymore," from people I had hoped would be a little more supportive. But, I'm stubborn. That never stopped me, and I pretty much do whatever the hell I feel like doing.

    I feel like I've gained a lot of perspective since that first day. I've realized that things could be much worse, and this isn't a big deal. And sure, I still feel tired, and occasionally I'll feel like crap, but so what? I have good days too. A little chronic pain never killed anyone.

    And so, this year, I'm thankful for the little things I don't take for granted any more... for getting up every day and going to work... for being a fall lumberjack... for every time someone's asked me "Hey, you playing volleyball tonight?" and I can smile and say "Hell yes, and I'm kicking your ass, too."

    Oh, and pies. God I love pies.

    Happy Thanksgiving, kids. :)

    Read and add comments to this entry! 4 Comments | Wednesday November 21st 2007 at 7:51pm from Jenny +