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  1. The Ultimate Apple Pie.

    I don't know exactly how old this recipe is, but it can be traced as far back as my maternal great-grandmother. It is, without a doubt, the best apple pie I have ever had. And it's old school, with a homemade crust and real filling. So if you're the kind of person who puts together pies with Pillsbury premade crusts and Lucky Leaf filling from a can, you're going to want to hit your "back" button right about now. This recipe is for serious bakers and pie aficionados only. Those not prepared to spend hours in the kitchen and get covered from head to toe with a fine dusting of flour need not apply.

    Let's get started, shall we?

    First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

    CRUST
    2 cups sifted flour
    1 teaspoon salt
    3/4 cup Crisco vegetable shortening (refrigerated)
    1/4 cup ice water

    First you will need to mix together the flour and salt in a medium mixing bowl.

    Then, with a pastry cutter, blend the shortening into the flour mixture until very well combined. This will take at least 3 minutes of serious pastry cutting. There should not be any noticeably large lumps of shortening left, and the mixture should be mostly uniform.

    (I have to go off on a tangent here and talk about the science of crusts. Your goal here is to keep the crust as tender and flaky as possible. You'll want to keep your hands out of the mixture and use cold shortening, ice water, and (if possible) a metal mixing bowl straight out of the freezer. I forget the minute details of exactly what happens, but keeping everything cold keeps your crust from getting tough. The warmer it is, the more the gluten develops... or something like that. You can also add a little bit of lemon juice to your ice water which is also an aid to keeping the gluten happy. Not too much, though. Don't want a sour crust, right? Just a squeeze or two ought to do it.)

    Next, the ice water will need to be GRADUALLY added. If you've poured in the entire 1/4 cup, you may as well throw your dough out and start over. The only way to do this is to add the water a few drops at a time, stirring all the while with a fork. The goal here is to get the dough to stick together without being overly wet. In fact, I often don't even need to use the full 1/4 cup. You'll want to periodically gather it together to see how well it forms into a ball, and stop adding water when it all sticks together.

    At this point, you'll need to divide the two into two even portions, shape into discs, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least one hour.

    While your dough is refrigerating, get started on your filling.

    FILLING
    6 - 7 large cooking apples
    3/4 cup sugar
    2 tablespoons flour
    1 teaspoon cinnamon
    1 tablespoon butter
    Couple squeezes of fresh lemon juice (optional)

    After years of detailed scientific experimentation, I can tell you that the best variety of apple for pie is York, without a doubt. Sometimes I'll mix a few Stamen apples in, as those do fairly well also. If possible, hit up an orchard and buy a bushel or two, as these will be far fresher and have a much better flavor than any you can get in the store. In fact, using apples from the grocery store is a last resort. If you absolutely can't get apples anywhere else and must pick them up from the store, always choose ones you can pick yourself, and never a pre-bagged item. Avoid those dark red ones like the plague (Red delicious, I think?). They aren't even good to EAT, for christ's sake - they sure as hell aren't going to produce a good pie. Golden delicious are also out. This is the type you're looking for, give or take:

    "What about Granny Smith?" you ask. Yeah, I know that's known as a baking apple. I personally avoid them, but if you really must use them, you're going to want to increase the sugar in this recipe accordingly and do NOT, for the love of god, add any lemon juice. But really? Get some Yorks.

    P.S. If you think this is being a little too extreme, well, I warned you this was serious business. We don't mess around with our pies. Perfection only!

    Okay, so you've got your apples. Peel and slice.

    You could use an apple corer... if you're a big gaping vagina. Don't be a vagina. Cut them yourself. They need to be as uniform as possible, and even thickness on both ends (which you can control if using a knife, and not so much with a corer/slicer). I usually slice mine about half an inch thick, and it works out pretty well. Too much thinner than that, and your apples will disintegrate into a mush. And in that case, you may as well pour applesauce into your crust.

    So anyway, you'll want to put your apple slices in a large bowl, so that you don't have any spillage when combining them with the dry ingredients.

    Mix together the sugar, flour, and cinnamon in a separate bowl...

    Then pour over your slices...

    And mix well to combine.

    The longer this sits, the soupier it will get, so no resting here. Time to get straight on the crust!

    Pop your halves out of the fridge. Cover one end of your workspace with a large piece of freezer paper, shiny side up. (Or not, but this is about to get very messy, and I'd listen to me if I were you.)

    Sprinkle the surface with flour. Your best bet here is to take about 1/4 cup and sprinkle it in a pie-round-sized circle, concentrating more heavily on the center where it is most likely to stick. You are going to want to err on the side of too much flour here. That's not a big deal, but too little flour will have you starting ALL OVER again, and you don't want that. Trust me.

    Lay a piece of plastic wrap on top of your disc, and using a rolling pin, flatten out a circle that comes to about 1 - 1/2 inches larger in diameter that your pie dish. It will take about five minutes of rolling and some determination to get it just right.

    Why are we putting plastic wrap on top? Well... firstly, makes cleaning up your rolling pin much easier. Secondly, this crust is going to be thin, and I can promise you with unwavering certainty that you will not get it up off the freezer paper without tearing it unless you've got the plastic wrap attached. The easiest way to do this is to lift up one side of the wrap/dough and fold it back over the other side, like a half moon. Then fold the half moon in half again to make a rough triangle, gently lift, and set down inside your pie plate with the point of the triangle right in the center. Gently unfold until your dough is laid out in a nice single layer. If you DO get some tearage, don't freak out. Just dab the broken ends with a little water and push together until it's happy again.

    Using a pastry brush, coat only the parts of your bottom dough that extend past the edge of the dish (hanging over the sides) with water. Fill that puppy up with your apple mixture, and sprinkle the tablespoon of butter (cut into very small pieces) evenly over the top.

    Rolling out your top crust will be the same as the bottom, only you don't need to make it quite as wide - this one should be as big as your pie plate, maybe just a tiny bit larger. You only need it to reach to the edge, basically. Use the same process that we just did for the bottom crust and lay on top of the apples.

    Now, all you have to do is take the edges of the bottom crust and roll them up with the edges of the top crust towards the center of the pie. You should end up with a cylindrical ring of dough around the outside of your pie, which you will then need to crimp. (Don't argue with me, just do it. It ain't hard.)

    Using both thumbs and one index finger, work your way around the edges, pressing to crimp the crust, like so:

    See? Easy. If any of the edges are sticking out too far, nudge them back in a little (otherwise, they'll burn faster).

    Almost done! All you have to do now is to prick a few holes in the crust with a fork to let the steam out, brush the entire exposed crust with milk or cream (this helps to keep it from getting too dark)...

    And you're ready to pop that bad boy in your preheated oven. If you forgot to preheat your oven, turn it on now and don't put the pie in until it's up to temperature.

    Bake for 35 - 40 minutes, at least. Couple of hints here:

    1. When your pie is done, the juice bubbling at the sides should look slightly thickened, or kind of syrupy. The crust should be a nice golden brown.

    2. There is a pretty good chance your pie will bubble over. Be prepared. Put a piece of tin foil underneath on a lower shelf, or your cleanup will be hell.

    3. Your crust will be bumpy on top and probably cracked in a few places. Not only is this completely normal, it's a GOOD thing - it means your crust is really tender. Embrace the semi-funky crust. It is your friend.

    4. At a minimum, the pie will need to cool for at least an hour - it will be HOT. If you cut into it while it's still warm, the juices will be kind of runny. Don't despair. If you let it cool completely, it'll thicken up and be just fine. I actually think it tastes better cooled, myself.

    5. Goes incredibly well with vanilla ice cream and/or whipped cream. MMMMMmmmmmm.


    I lost a chunk of my filling on the way out of the dish. Sue me.

    Heaven on a plate.

    Read and add comments to this entry! 3 Comments | Thursday August 16th 2007 at 8:10pm from Jenny +