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If I go to bed now, this day won't be able to get any worse... right?
I know I told the dentist there was no way in hell he was cutting out my wisdom teeth... but if this wisdom tooth doesn't soon settle itself down, I'll cut it out myself with whatever's handy (which, right now, would be my car keys).
I'm pretty sure UHC now has more of my blood than I do. But at least I learned something new - I was paying pretty close attention, so now I can add "intravenous drug addict" to my list of possible hobbies... just in case my gym membership goes south.
Also, you know what I could really use right now? Embarrassing stories about other people that aren't me, ones that will make me feel better about being a dumbass by making my dumbassness pale in comparison. Or maybe just good suggestions about how to feel less like a dumbass. C'mon, fess up... it's for a good cause.
Barring that, I'll accept calendars, watches, blackberries, PDAs, and/or sundials (instructions for use helpful).
10 Comments |
Thursday February 7th at 6:16pm from Jenny +
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I'm not sure what happened, but I wish you well. Cause it doesn't sound good. :)
I just now figured out how to leave a comment. That's pretty embarrassing on my end... :(
Thanks, Marc. No worries, though. I feel much better about everything now. :)
Shit, Jackie, I had to look at it twice myself. And at least two other people besides you have pointed out that it's less user-friendly than it used to be... so it ain't just you. ;)
Okay, here's an embarrassing story. I'll make it short: I actually wet my pants in junior high school. Like, AT SCHOOL.
Explanation: you know, there really isn't a good explanation. I guess I didn't want to piss off my assy teacher so rather than say "um, I have to go like RIGHT NOW" I tried (and failed) to hold it in. After a point it was hopeless. I had a sweatshirt tied around my waste and hoped like hell it would absorb everything, but I guess I was quite full because it got saturated and a small puddle began to form under my chair right as the class ended. And yes, it was noticed. By popular people. All of whom did not hesitate one second in letting me and anyone in earshot know that they noticed.
Not long after that, I got out of school and my family moved to Virginia (coincidence). Timing couldn't have been better.
Hahahaha! Awww. If it makes you feel any better, I did that in kindergarten once, but something tells me my kindergarten classmates were a lot more forgiving.
Here's to moving. ;)
Also, I have another (yes, another!) dumbass story courtesy of trying to actually perform tasks this morning, pre-coffee.
I was trying to deal with my vehicle registration which involved stopping at the courthouse. I pulled up to the building, parked, got out of my car, went up to the door, and realized that it was locked.
I have to pause here to point out that I checked their website BEFOREHAND and that bastard piece of shit said they opened at 8:00 - clearly not actually the case. So, cursing, I walked back to my car, only to find that my car was locked.
And my keys were in my ignition.
And the music was playing full blast.
It was 11 degrees this morning, and I had a nice winter coat - in my car. I also had my spare set of keys - which were also in my car, in my laptop case.
Swear to god, I don't know what's up with the past couple of days, but I'm one more crazy aggravation short of an aneurysm. :)
Yep, that beats peeing in front of your friends in school.
You're definitely not in a good biorhythm week, are you? Bad things tend to increase for me when temperatures drop outside, so now I over-dress when it's cold. It seems to be working.
Sorta.
I voted for Bob Wise for governor.
I can tell you a dumbass story about my best friend. (But this is more intentionally dumb than ignorantly dumb- which is worse?)
One night when we were kids, we were out and I got pulled over. Since we were kids, the deputy immediately suspected foul play, so he got me out and made me walk the line, touch my nose, say the alphabet backwards on one foot- you all know the routine.
So while this was going on, my friend cracks open a can of beer. It was summer, the windows were down, and me and the deputy could hear it as plain as day.
The cop looks at me like, "who's the idiot?". I shrug. So he walks over to the car and makes this friend get out and pour the rest of our beer out. The whole time being as uncool as humanly possible muttering and cussing like it was a real inconvenience to have to open all this beer and pour it out.
Then M_ gets back in the car and the cop asks what was under the floor mat of my driver's seat. First, M_ pulls up a tire tool that I kept handy for emergencies, "it's a f**kin' tire tool, man. Goddamn." Then the cop says, "no, no, what's that?" and points with his flashlight.
It was a toy gun from a past Halloween costume. M_ pulls it up and yells, "it's a gun!" Now, if I said this deputy came unglued after that, it would be a mild description. And here I am on one foot trying to figure what letter comes before "r".
How we survived that era still remains a mystery to me? "Dumb Ass" would have made a good theme song.
Hahahahahahaha@both of you.
Elvis, I'm not sure how you made it this long, given the stories I've heard of your youth.