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I have to say this, and then I'm done. For at least a while, anyway.
Hillary Clinton's campaign is over, by the way. It's been over for a while, actually. I know that almost everyone knows this already - but those of you who don't live in WV are going to have to bear with me. I feel obligated to point it out because a large percentage of my state apparently didn't get the memo (perhaps they were blinded by Bill's shiny white teeth?).
I guess maybe they really just didn't know. Hell, something like 7% of us voted for John Edwards. That's right, John Edwards. I'm not sure if this was a case of real honest-to-god ignorance, or if it was a case of "I'm not voting for the woman OR the black guy" (cheers, Evan). Both are pretty fucking sad.
(EDIT FOR CLARITY: I'm not saying you shouldn't support Edwards or Hillary; I'm saying, pay just a little bit of attention. Make sure the person you're voting for didn't drop out of the race over four months ago. And if you want to still vote for someone whose campaign is so dead she had to donate millions of dollars to her own campaign just to keep it afloat... because no one else will... because it's common knowledge that she is no longer really in this race... at least you'll know it's a moot point. That's all.)
I swear to God, sometimes it's tough. I haven't been so annoyed since we voted Bush back in AGAIN. I'm so frustrated at this point, I've been moved to do something that I have been putting off for too long anyway: that's right, I finally registered to vote*.
As Hoyt said, "Barack Obama is going to get the Democratic nomination, and this West Virginian cannot wait for the day when he's sworn in as president." Amen.
*Yes, I should have done that a long time ago, but I have decent excuses: I wasn't old enough to register when everyone else in my class got registered at school, and I wasn't even living in this country during the 04 election, so eat a dick. Eat a bowl full of 'em. Rly.
6 Comments |
Thursday the 15th at 7:15pm from Jenny +
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Can you tell he's a web designer/developer?
So we're driving through South Jersey looking for somewhere to eat. I'm pointing out all of the eateries we pass to Mr. Ville, who's definitely hungry, but incapable of deciding what he wants to eat.
"There's a Saladworks over there."
"Where?"
"Over there." *points
"I am NOT eating there... that font is AWFUL!" 9 Comments |
Monday the 12th at 5:31pm from Jenny +
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Things I Regret Not Getting Pictures Of: A List
1. The St. Louis arch. Oh my god, so beautiful. If you've never driven west through St. Louis on I-70 at about 2 AM, you are missing out. Go do it. Right now. I SAID RIGHT NOW.
2. The large, lit-up "Y" on the hillside in Provo (I guess it was Provo, but I could be wrong... all those towns run into each other and I get confused) that, when viewed from a side angle, appears to be a ginormous lighted cock 'n' balls. I want to take this opportunity to point out that I am not making this up. Hopefully, Joe will come through with a photo and I can show you sometime.
3. The christian billboard in Kansas on I-70 immediately next to an adult bookstore that proclaims "Porn Destroys Families." I need to find out how much it would cost to rent one of those so I can put right below it "I'm pretty sure it CREATES families, actually." (Kansas and I are, btw, mortal enemies. Just FYI.)
4. The world's largest prairie dog (although I have a feeling this might have been overzealous advertising and a letdown IRL).
5. The Burger King employee in Utah who was wearing only one shoe. Specifically, his feet.
6. The Olympic water fountain in Salt Lake City.
7. The lady at Mesa Arch who, upon realizing I was going to climb up on the arch for a photo (which was over, like, a huge canyon), informed me that "it looks pretty dangerous!" in her funny Utah accent. (You think?)
8. The six pack I bought that (I found out after purchasing it) contained ONLY 3.2% ALCOHOL. Damn you, Utah. *shakes fist
9. The staff of a McDonald's somewhere in Indiana where all of the employees sported spray-on tans and the same ridiculous highlighted, flippy-ponytail hairstyle. Perhaps it was part of the uniform?
10. The dude who propositioned poor Joe (not for sex, luckily) at a rest stop in Missouri in the middle of the night.
(Hey Joe - feel free to add to the list if I've forgotten anything. Kthx.)
6 Comments |
Friday the 2nd at 4:00am from Jenny +
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Just FYI
Tumbleweeds are the greatest thing ever. I'm going to bring some home with me if I can.
8 Comments |
Saturday April 26th at 6:44am from Jenny +
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Utah and everywhere in between
So, if anyone needs anything from Utah while I'm there - second wives (cheers, CJ), and, um... whatever else it is that Utah has... Oh! I almost forgot third wives. Silly.
That's right, roadtrip! I hope to have plenty o' internets along the way, so I may be updating semi-often.
Now, if I can just remember to say "fetch" and "heck" instead of my usual swearing... wait, who the hell am I kidding?
4 Comments |
Wednesday April 23rd at 4:05am from Jenny +
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Polysomnogram photoblogging
STEP 1: Sit in chair while lab technician makes a crapload of marks all over your head with a red china marker.
STEP 2: Continue to sit in chair while lab technician attaches a crapload of sensors at various points on your head, face, chest, and legs. (This actually takes quite a while, as each spot where the sensors have to be placed has to be first cleaned and then have EEG paste applied to help it stay in place.) Oh, and if that wasn't enough, a breathing sensor goes in your nose, too.
I won't lie, it was a little bit uncomfortable at first. If I had to compare it to something, I'd say it was quite like what I'd expect having an octopus stuck to your face would feel like, actually - the difference being that the octopus would be less likely to leave your hair looking like a facial gone wrong (I'll get to that later).
STEP 3: All those wires have to hook up to something, right? Up until this point, I had no idea how many wires were actually on me. The box came with a shoulder strap so that you could carry all that shit around - and even then, it was difficult. I tripped over them twice until I gave up and got in bed where I wouldn't disturb them.
The good news: I can connect your call for the low, low rate of just five cents a minute! One moment, please.
STEP 4: Conduct short test with lab technician to make sure all of the sensors are properly functioning and recording data. (I recorded this, but youtube is balking at it for some reason.)
STEP 5: Sleep. The lab tech said that most people have trouble getting to sleep, and it's no wonder - in a hospital bed, with sensors stuck all over, and a shoulder-pack of wires, with people making all sorts of noise down the hall... most people would have trouble drifting off under those conditions. Me? I was out in under 12 minutes and well into my REM sleep shortly after that.
STEP 6: Get woken up at 5:30 (which I'm still bitter about), sit on bed in half-awake zombie state while all of the sensors are removed. Stumble into bathroom and notice that the EEG paste used to secure the sensors is still very much secure... IN MY HAIR. Lovely.
I tried to get it out. I tried everything I had available to me (water, brush, fingers), but it was having absolutely none of that. Eventually, tired and hungry, I gave up and went down to the cafeteria for breakfast. I figured, what the hell, I'll wash it out when I get home. It wasn't until I had to stop at the Sheetz in Weston on my way home that I realized perhaps a hat would have been a good thing to have handy. In case you were wondering, walking around in public with EEG paste in your hair will, in fact, get you some pretty ...interesting... looks.
5 Comments |
Saturday April 19th at 4:46pm from Jenny +
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In case you've ever wondered what Afghanistan looks like from about helicopter-height...
There are some interesting photos over at Tech/Sec of just such a thing.
Photo by JoeI was a little disappointed by the lack of goats, but otherwise, quite cool.
4 Comments |
Wednesday April 16th at 4:07pm from Jenny +
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Bad Santa.
11 Comments |
Saturday April 12th at 4:35pm from Jenny +
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Fight Staph!
This is an actual PSA hanging in in the hallway of my workplace.
I was totally with these folks until number 2... NOW what the hell am I going to do between 3:00 and 4:00 each day? I'm going to have to redo my entire April schedule! Damn you, MRSA!
8 Comments |
Monday April 7th at 6:23pm from Jenny +
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Declaring Jihad in 3... 2... 1...
I ordered a new cell phone over the weekend, and the deal included 2-day shipping.
I thought.
Technically it should have been here Tuesday, but the tracking appeared to have it closer to Wednesday - which I was okay with; another day wouldn't kill me. Wednesday came and went with no new cell phone. Today, it left Frederick and was all set to be delivered. It was addressed TO MY HOUSE.
So naturally the DHL driver delivered it to a post office 45 miles away in another county.
This was bad enough, but sadly not the worst part (my immediate call to the DHL "customer service" center):
"So first of all, can you explain to me what exactly made him think that was acceptable?"
"It says here that we only service your home area on Mondays and Thursdays, so he had to contract the delivery out to the post office..."
"Okay, first of all, that is NOT my post office, not even close. It is 45 miles away, in another county, and does not have a delivery route that comes anywhere near my house. Secondly, it wasn't CONTRACTED for delivery - he didn't ask the post office to finish delivering it, nor did they receive any postage - he DELIVERED it there and left. Third? If you only service an area on Monday and Thursday, I'm not sure I understand how can you accept a package and agree to deliver it in two business days knowing full well that you can't - or won't."
"Ma'am - "
"And I don't mean to keep poking holes in your theory, but TODAY IS THURSDAY. So by your own admission, DHL delivers to my home area TODAY."
*silence
"Hello?"
*click
Yep. She HUNG UP on me.
About that time, I went from annoyed to pissed. Yeah, I was throwing a lot of logic at her, which she clearly wasn't prepared to handle - but my voice wasn't raised, and I wasn't cursing or speculating as to her method of conception. I was fairly well behaved, all things considered.
I called back, got a guy whose first response to "I need to discuss a package, tracking number - " was to interrupt me and say "Oh, if you want to track your package then I need to transfer you - "
"ACTUALLY, I've already tracked the package. I need to discuss the RESULTS of that tracking WITH YOU."
He decided I needed to speak to "Domestic Deliveries," or some shit, anyway, which actually turned out to be a blessing as I got a hold of the first sane, rational person I'd spoken to at DHL. She actually apologized for the many DHL-related inconveniences I had experienced that day (I know, right!) and offered to have someone drive back out to get it.
As it turned out, that wasn't necessary; but I nearly made out with the phone right then and there.
And now I've got my new cell phone, and am in the process overseeing Mr. Ville while he makes me some custom homemade ringtones, and all is once again right with the world.
In the meantime, feel free to leave ringtone suggestions. So far I've got some Zack Kim and Chocolate Rain lined up... but there's always room for more.
7 Comments |
Thursday April 3rd at 7:10pm from Jenny +
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Welcome to the world of being a registered voter. It’s about time you got your ass in gear; I don’t care if you were out of the country. Now let me say this. All the Democratic party had to do this year was nominate, a normal white bread contender, and not make this the year that we just have to go make history. Don’t get me wrong I think both Hillary and/ or Barrack, would do a fine job (notice the first name basis thing, where tight like that, or at least it feels like it after the 407 phone calls begging for my vote), or at least a better job than stumbling bumbling McCain’t. But the issue is, that there are far to many true “hillbillies” who wont vote for either the black guy or the women, when no one is looking. So maybe, just maybe that 7 percent was the wisest of all, after all who is more white bread than John Edwards.
Ok, let me add this. McCain is a war hero, ok I give him that. He’s one tough old bastard, and I respect him for it. But since when did that make you qualified to be president? And why in the name of Ronald Reagan, would you role over and play dead like that in the North Carolina 2000 primary when Lil’ Bush was warming up his swift boat moves on you attacking a legit war record?
Hillary, move on dear, its been nice, but your not Bill and the dynasty is over
Barrack, get ready for a long hard ride, I hope you can pick up 5 electoral votes somewhere else, cause WV will never vote for you. I hope I’m wrong. I hope my State is more progressive than that, but I fear the worst.
McCain will win this thing in November, oh I feel so dirty even thinking it…
Oh, I don't have anything particularly against Edwards - my point was, he dropped out in JANUARY. See what I mean, Vern?
It will be quite interesting to see what happens with us in November. If the majority of this state wants to see a white female democrat, does a white male republican have an edge over a black male democrat? I like to think that ultimately, most democrats will still vote democrat despite anything else. I hope I'm not wrong... but like you, I fear the worst. I mean... look at the shit we routinely pull at the polls. :\
It hurts to care, eh? :)
There are some Democrats who are so keyed up about their candidate getting the nomination that they're going to vote for McCain if things don't work out. I don't recall where I read that but I just about hit the ceiling when I did.
I would type up what I'd like to do to these fucktard-asshats but I don't want a written record. Let's just say they bug me and leave it at that.
I, too, predict McCain will win in November, but I don't think he'll win because the fore-mentioned fucktard-asshats will vote for him; it'll be because Democrats won't break tradition by getting off their asses and voting. Even Algore bitches about this, and he's right. If every newly registered Democrat voted in 2004 we would have been rid of Dubya a long time ago.
I just don't get it. They're great at showing up for parties and benefits and they're fucking awesome at registering but they blow dead bear when it comes to waiting in long lines and flipping switches (or poking chads, or touching touch-screens, or...you get the picture). It defies logic.
So, here it is, The Gospel According to Erik, for whatever it's worth: Every Dem that doesn't bother voting in November is essentially casting a vote for McCain. And this is why I think McCain will win.
What can I say? We get the government that we deserve.
Oh, and the one person who's more white bread than Edwards is Mitt Romney. I swear, that guy is a human scale model of a Ken doll. He creeps me right the fuck out. Place your bets now on whether he'll be McCain's running mate.
Nathan: Also, McCain't is clever. I just now caught that. lol
Marc: It sure does... dammit. :)
Erik: Yeah, um, I about hit the second floor myself. Now, before I get convoluted, let me say that I expect republicans to vote for McCain, and I'm fine with that. They're doing what everyone should be: supporting the candidate and party that most closely matches their values and ideals. That's fantastic. And I know people get super worked up come the home stretch, and I know it's disappointing when the candidate you like calls it quits... Really, I get that... But for someone to purposely vote for a candidate who doesn't really align with their views, when there's a candidate who DOES still in the race, just out of spite, or sour grapes, or whatever... well... here's your sign, and your helmet, and your drool cup.
I might be giving people too much credit (I do that sometimes), but I really think it's just the disappointment talking and that by November, not too many will actually make good on that particular threat. I hope.
Here's a good question: I know rumor has Obama considering running with Bill Richardson... but just for fun, how much do you think things would change if he picked John Edwards as his running mate?
On a completely unrelated note, "blow dead bear" is a new phrase to me. I was going to ask if perhaps it might not be better to blow something that wasn't decomposing, but then again, dead bears don't bite, either. Nothing ruins the mood like a severed artery, after all.
Regardless of who's elected, I want the next Pres to figure out a new math equation for posting comments to Jennyville.com blog posts. :)
I hope you're right about the fucktard-asshats. I really do. And I sincerely hope I'm wrong about Democrats in general and that they'll break out of their election day rut and vote. In Oregon it's dog simple: we vote by mail. I've already voted in our primary even though the official date of the primary is May 20th (for president I voted for Obama, and not necessarily because I think he rocks but because Hillary...oh God, where would I begin?). Why other states don't vote by mail is a mystery. It doesn't get any easier than this. Anyone who doesn't vote in Oregon deserves their helmet, sign and drool cup.
Obama and Edwards? If Edwards can attract the poor, blue collar deep south crowd (you know, the folks who have elected Bush twice even though they're the people his policies screw the most...and the folks who seem to now be Hillary supporters) then why not? I think Edwards still has an inner-sleazy-ambulance-chaser in him but he also has a few good ideas and may appeal to a crowd that has not embraced Obama. Really, any running mate that'll win over Hillary supporters is blowkay by me.
As for blowing dead bear... It's supposed to be unpleasant (it's a punishment, after all) so dead bear seems appropriate. :)
("You have a choice: you can vote, or there's that gelatinous dead bear over there...")